Announcements: The Closure of LT3 Press & What’ll Happen with My Books

 

It’s with profound sadness that I’m having to say this: my publisher, Less Than Three Press, is closing.

 

 

The last few days have been extremely difficult on the heart and soul, a mix of shock with tears and grief. I was with them for almost six years, ever since October 2013, and I loved working with them. Honestly, I felt pretty spoiled having a publisher who really got my work and not only published the stories, but encouraged all of their authors to really go for our creativity and tell a wide range of stories — and, most importantly, embraced the entire LGBTQIA+ spectrum. At LT3, no one had to get left behind. MM wasn’t the only type of relationship they wanted to publish: they sought to publish some of everything to cover all sorts of queer identities and orientations, an endeavor that’s sorely lacking in the industry, including romances. Everyone deserves to see themselves in stories, all across the genres and storytelling. It’s been a great comfort knowing that if I wrote MM romance or FF or a relationship involving a non-binary character, they were all given equal consideration and care. The same goes with the orientations of the characters, and even the story genre, which was just as important to me personally.

And that, I think, is the hardest loss of all: that true embracing of equality and diversity. A lot of companies know they can sell MM (especially the sexy contemporary kind), but when it comes to anything outside of that, they aren’t so welcoming. And if the sales aren’t there for that which is different, the companies will refuse to sell it. This includes works featuring trans characters, asexuals, and aromantic characters, which are difficult to come across, especially stories that don’t seek to change the characters or degrade them for who they are.

This loss is definitely going to be felt.

On a personal side, I’m going to miss working with Sam, Megan, and Sasha. They took care of their authors, right from the very contract, which I’ve always considered fair with built-in freedom for the author — something other publishers don’t necessarily offer. We were given the chance to be involved in the process, from edits, where we retained our right to agree/disagree with the editors, to covers, where we had such a great amount of input into how we wanted the covers to look. Again, I think we were spoiled there, working with a team that really understood what it was like being an author while also being compassionate and understanding to what was going on with us as people. Things happen — life happens, and LT3 knows that well, so they’ve helped authors where they could, especially during really rough times, including me.

I could go on with the good feelings I have for LT3, but I’m trying to keep this short today. More mourning the loss, really. Trying to find the light again. So I’ll wrap this part of the post up with this:

Thank you, Sam, Megan, Sasha, and everyone at LT3, from authors to editors and cover designers. Working with you has been a privilege and a joy, and certainly an absolute honour. You’ve all taught me so much, pushing me to grow as an author; striving to reach further and higher and go for better. To learn more and have the courage to do things I wouldn’t have thought of before. These stories wouldn’t have existed without you — you were an inspiration. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ll miss being able to call us family and seeing all of the new works as they come out.

All my love to you all, and the best of luck in your future endeavors. Blessings be upon you and may your muses continue to frolic. ♥

 

 

What Does This Mean for My Books?

In short: they’re being taken down from all retailers. This includes Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple Books, Kobo, etc. They’ve already been removed from Smashwords and Bookstrand. They’ll be available in the Less Than Three Press Marketplace until September 30th, 2019, but then they’ll be removed from there, too. So if you want to get a hold of them, DO IT NOW.

The long answer: I’m working on the details, but I do plan on self-publishing all of my previously published books. Also: they’ll be going up on multiple platforms rather than Amazon alone.

I’m not 100% sure of the timeline, but there are 3 books that can go up with minimal changes. Mostly it’s a matter of learning how to do the formatting and get them up on the retailer’s sites. There’s a learning curve involved. I can usually make software do my bidding, so with luck I can get the new editions turned around ASAP. Though it also requires waiting for all of the books to come down before I put them back up, meaning I don’t know how soon I can make them available again.

My immediate concern is going to be getting Of Kindred and Stardust up — it was released 2 months ago, so I’d really like to get it back out there.

After that, I may get Blood Borne and Soulbound back up — “may” being the operative there because they’re book #3 and #4 in their series. But since they don’t need much work, either, I might push them through. Particularly for anyone who has books 1 and 2 and wanted to get the next ones but couldn’t.

As for the other books: A Question of Counsel is in revisions right now, heavily so, and it’ll take a few weeks before it’s ready to go anywhere. Four needs a few things done with it, but I haven’t figured it all out yet. It won’t be as much as the first book, but I need to look it over. And For the Clan — my best seller to date — needs some attention, too. Mostly I want to add world-building stuff and a change a few things, which will take a little time, but hopefully not a lot!

THANKFULLY I get to keep all the covers.

*sobbing*

Bless LT3: they’re letting us authors keep our covers, which is so important. I absolutely dreaded losing the covers Natasha Snow did for all of my works — she’s a top-notch, Big-5-worthy wizard at design and I desperately wanted to keep the covers because they’re beautiful and perfect.. It broke my heart thinking I’d have to lose them all because how could anything ever compare?!?!

But LT3… generous to the last, they’ve let us go forth with the covers, so THE COVERS WILL REMAIN. Just the listings will change, as will the editions.

I’m going to spend the rest of the summer working to get these up. Please bear with me as I get it sorted! I’ll announce the new listings and editions as they happen, so keep an eye out here, on Twitter, on Facebook, and/or on my Tumblr for the news. In the meantime, feel free to contact me if you have questions! I’ll answer the best I can.

 

 

What About Future Books?? What About the Rest of The Republic Series??

I don’t know. I honestly don’t. Self-pubbing them, probably, but it’ll depend on funds and timing. Both of which will take time — maybe a lot, maybe a little. We’ll see. Mostly it depends on what I can save up to do these books right.

I do know I want to continue working on the WIPs I talked about in my last post, so I’m going to play this stuff by ear. Again, I’ll announce everything here and on my social media accounts as it comes up. Keep checking back, or “Follow” this blog, or contact me if you need to know more.

 

 

Thanks for Being Here!

Thanks to you, readers, for joining me on this journey these last six years! Without readers, the stories don’t go anywhere, so your support is always appreciated and loved.

And again, thank you to LT3. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be. You gave me literary wings.

 

All my love,

Archer ♥

 

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~ July Updates ~

Whoa, July. How did we get here?!

It’s been a long 6 months, and they’ve been tough on the heart, head, and the soul, but I’ve also gotten plenty of work done, so that’s the good news! I figured it was time for an update, mostly about the second edition of A Question of Counsel!

 

A Question of Counsel: 2nd Edition!

Yep, I’m revising A Question of Counsel, book 1 in The Republic series. A couple weeks ago, Less Than Three Press offered me a contract extension — YAY!! — so I can do a new edition now. And I really couldn’t be happier because AQoC needs work!

So here’s the thing: when I wrote Counsel in 2014, I’d written it relatively on the fly for a collection call that had a max of 50k words. I also hadn’t been published all that much beforehand, and I didn’t know the things I do now. I was still stuck on the “OMG, I PUBLISHED SOMETHING?!” high. Total noob at the publishing thing. Even when Counsel was taken on as a general release, allowing for more than 50k, I didn’t change much. Didn’t think bigger than the 48k-ish the story was. I kept it small, contained. I didn’t want to exceed much in the word count, either, since my publisher prefers shorter works, which was fine by me. I was just so excited to have anything published on this magnitude. My brain was stuck on “YAY!!!! IT’S GONNA BE IN PRINT AND SOLD AND OMG!”

But.

Since then, I’ve published more, stretched my wings, and worked with LT3 for a few years, getting to really know them — and getting to know me, too, along with what I’m capable of. Not to mention that as The Republic series has gone on, its world has expanded greatly into a total beast. Since book 2, things have changed. Where I originally believed The Republic was going to be all standalones, I’ve had to seriously rethink everything. There’s now a series arc involved, and it’s going to get messy!

Small problem: Counsel was written before all of that. The same with Rule Breaker — and I’m working on its 2nd edition, too, for the same reasons. Both stories missed out on ALL of the finer details. Characters in them have taken on much bigger roles/significance. Plus, looking back on the 1st edition, I’m cringing at some parts because damn, what was I thinking??? And they certainly never suffered the rigorous editing process I’ve since then crafted, so a 2nd edition? YES, PLEASE!

And here we are. I’ve been working on Counsel for a few weeks now. It’s already doubled in word count — and I’m not even finished adding the new modifications.

At the end of the day, the story core isn’t changing. The plot is still the same. What is changing, though, is the presentation. And the depth. And a bunch of details. I’m freshening it up but also filling in the gaps. I’ve also gotten to know the characters extremely well — and I know where they’ll end up in the final book — so they’ll get more attention this time.

Some highlights:

• Lira’s POV: She never got a say the first time because of (a) word count, (b) a certain aspect of the story I thought was better served by silence, and (c) I hadn’t come up with anything for her. But now she’s got stuff to say, including more about trying to escape a toxic home. This one’s for anyone who’s ever been kicked out or punished by their families/loved ones for being themselves, including my partner, who knows this feeling all too well.
• Aeley’s mental and emotional state: The new edition goes into more of what she’s experiencing, which is PTSD mixed with grief and stress. I touched on them originally, but not nearly as much as I’ve wanted to, or should’ve. I’ve gone deeper, especially after working with Tash and his PTSD/complex PTSD and depression, as well as another character to come in book 5 who has complex PTSD stemming from domestic violence. There are personal components to this decision, but I’m going to leave that there.
• More about minor characters! Some of them are really fun or special or just plain need-to-know, so I’m letting them shine more. They all play roles, though, in this book and in the series, so none of this is filler. Just back-tracking.
• Korre, Aeley’s father: I wanted to go into his reasoning for certain decisions. It’s a bit tricky, honestly, but it’s there now, especially since he’s also important to Pellon’s book.

 

I don’t know when the new edition will come out, but watch here and/or my Twitter for details! Or feel free to message/email me.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you’ve purchased the 1st edition from the publisher’s website, you can get the 2nd edition for free. They’ll replace the file on the website with the newest version, so it’ll just be a matter of re-downloading it. It may be similar with Amazon!

 

 

So onto the Other Stuff

Once Counsel is sorted, I’ll be hammering out my work-on-immediately WIPs!

– Rule Breaker is on the list for sure, especially with how it ties into Counsel. I’ve started the 2nd edition but need to really focus on it.

– Ashsender is *this* close to being started. I have some extra work to do on its outline, but then I’m going to start actually writing it. It’s a complicated and sensitive situation.

– Rebel Call is also in need of love, but since it’s book 5 in the series, I’ve had to worry about getting the other books sorted first. Soon! I’m looking forward to DMG and the rather devious Eriath.

– To Live a Dragon has been waiting very patiently, so I’m going to seriously try and do the outline and a few chapters before the end of the year.

 

Chances Wild, my penguin/pegasoi/cricket shifter paranormal romance, has been put on hold indefinitely. Since putting our cat down in January, I haven’t been in the headspace for it — it was what I was writing just before he passed on, so this isn’t a surprise. I did the same thing when my mom died. It’s a function of my grief: whatever I’m working on at the time takes on the association and I have to distance myself from it in order to heal. While I’ll finish it eventually, it’s just too damn much for me right now. Too… happy, really. I need to work on the angsty stuff.

Though with that said, I do have other WIPs that have snuck onto the roster, including a unicorn shifter series! That one… ohhh, it’s precious, and it’s just waiting to bust out. And it’s going to be dark. And dirty. And these-aren’t-your-happy-sunshine-unicorns. If y’all saw the story notes I have for it so far, you’d probably want to beat me over the head with them. I want to beat me over the head. It’s… weird… and… weird.

Although here’s a doozy: last month I wrote 30k of a book that showed up randomly, insisted I write it, then declared it’s actually the 2nd/3rd last book of the series Ashsender belongs to… except I haven’t even gotten anywhere through book 1 yet and the rest of the series is ??? books long. -_-

 

 

Of Kindred and Stardust is Out!!

In case you missed it: Of Kindred and Stardust, my poly romance for Less Than Three Press’s Home for the Holidays collection, came out in May! For more about it, check out this post here.

It’s available as eBook and in print from my publisher and other major online retailers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, Apple Books, and Bookstrand.

If you’re on Goodreads, you can also add it to your shelves!

 

Genres: Romance, science fiction
Collection: Home for the Holidays

After four years in the Alpha Centauri solar system, astrobiologist Dath Bellin is relieved to be back at ECHO-Crosspoint Space Station. His next mission: return to Earth and take a vacation. There’s family to see, R&R to catch up on, and Imbolc to celebrate with his Druid grove—everything he could hope for from a Canadian winter. Unfortunately, everything goes wrong before he can even leave the station. There’s also the matter of his exes, whom he can’t have back no matter how much he wants them, not after his horrible mistake.

For the past four years, Mack Ainsley Tsallis and Kytzia Polović have wanted to know why Dath left them the way he did. They’re determined to win him back together, especially since Mack is convinced Dath wasn’t completely honest with xem and Kytzia before he ran off to Alpha Centauri. Being ignored isn’t cutting it anymore: it’s time to start fresh and prove the three of them are perfect for each other.

 

Content notes & trigger warnings: Of Kindred and Stardust contains some explicit content, mentions of past transphobia, and references to depression.

 

 

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Wishing you all a wonderful day! ^_^

 

 

“Keeping House” by Jeanne G’Fellers || Book Tour, #Giveaway & Exclusive Excerpt!

 

Happy Monday, everyone! Jeanne G’Fellers has a brand new queer non-binary/gender fluid paranormal fantasy out today: Keeping House, book #2 in the Appalachian Elementals series. Check it out!

 

 

Title: Keeping House
Author: Jeanne G’Fellers
Series: Appalachian Elementals (Book #2)

Release date: July 8, 2019
Genre: Paranormal Fantasy, LGBT Fantasy, Appalachian Fantasy
LGBTQA+ characters: Nonbinary, lesbian, gay, trans, intersex, queer, and genderfluid
Length: 130,000 words
Publisher: Mountain Gap Books
Cover Artist: Jeanne G’Fellers

 

Centenary Rhodes is caught in a deal she didn’t make. Thanks to her eternal lover, Stowne’s, quick thinking, she’ll live forever, but there’s a hitch. Cent’s now fey, and three months out of the year she’ll live on the other side of Embreeville Mountain among the Hunter Fey, serving their king, Dane Gow.

As Cent begins wading through the anachronisms that come with being a Hunter, she learns that nothing is what it initially seems. Cent shares several past lives with Dane, who wants her back, and Stowne’s lied to Cent so many times that she’s having doubts about their marriage. To make matters worse, the past Hunter Kings are influencing Dane’s behavior, and the youngest Hunter, Brinn, might well be the most dangerous of them all.

It’s going to be a cold, dark spring, and Cent needs to unite both sides of Embreeville mountain before her eternal life, her relationship with Dane, and her marriage to Stowne come permanently undone.

Another rich Contemporary Appalachian tale about fantastic people and the magic they possess, including LGBTQIA+ characters Human and otherwise.

 

Content & trigger warnings: depiction of mental illness including on page psychosis; discussion of gender dysphoria, cutting, and self-harm; discussion of rape and murder; on and off page violence

 

Series Blurb:

Come dance with the Appalachian fey and drink a little moonshine under the full moon while you hear Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Death share tales about families of our blood, families of our making, and magic both long ago and flowing through us now.

 

 

Available at these retailers!

Mountain Gap Books | Amazon US | Amazon UK | Smashwords

 

You can also add it to your shelf on Goodreads.

 

 

 

 

• • • • • •

 

 

GIVEAWAY:

 

Jeanne is giving away a $20 Amazon gift certificate with this tour. Enter via Rafflecopter for a chance to win:

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

 

{Or paste this link into your browser: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/b60e8d4772/?}

 

 

•   •   •   •   •   •

EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT

 

While Keeping House isn’t listed as a Romance, there’s a definite romantic thread running through the novel, mainly one between the protagonist Cent Rhodes and Dane Gow, she-king of the Hunter fey. While Cent has come and gone in her mortal lives, Dane, who’s immortal, has been there for centuries, waiting just like Cent’s immortal elemental spouse Stowne has been for her return. The rivalry between Dane and Stowne is intense and the more Cent remembers about them, the more complicated things are becoming.

What makes this scene unique is that Dane’s put Cent behind the wheel of her welding truck, (the king doesn’t give just anyone control of her rig, you know) and she’s expecting Cent to drive the rest of the way up a seemingly roadless mountainside to reach home, meaning the hidden Hunter kingdom where Dane rules.

This excerpt comes from Chapter Eleven: “Clocked Out.”

 

“Where to now?” Cent peered out the window at the mountainside.

“Same way we’ve been goin’,” said Dane.

The road ends here. Cent saw no path or vehicle tracks. “We’ll run into the side of the mountain even if we get through the trees.”

“Magic, sugar. Drive right through them, but you better put on some speed before you hit the trees, or you’ll run outta gears on the way up the mountain.”

“Drive into the trees?”

“Head straight for them two big oaks.” Dane pointed ahead. “There’s an old mining road we used to use, but it’s nothin’ pretty since the Forest Service stopped maintaining it, so we’ll be drivin’ on the hidden one we made up to the kingdom. You remember the ol’ Upper Peedee mine, doncha?”

“I didn’t until now.” I’m living a twisted, backwoods version of Harry Potter. “Platform nine and three quarters it is.” Cent took off in second again, gunning the engine as Dane braced her arms against the cab’s roof.

“Keep your foot on the gas.” She laughed when Cent shoved the truck into third and drove directly toward the trees, not hesitating once, bouncing the truck across the dip and up the hill. “Over the hill and through the woods—”

“You ain’t no grandma.” Cent didn’t downshift until she had to, then she ground the gears, and the truck clunked into second.

“No, but you’re sure drivin’ like one.” Dane unbuckled and scooted to the middle of the truck, one leg on each side of the stick so Cent had to reach over her to shift. “Come on. You can do this. We’re almost to that road I talked about.”

“Shut up and let me drive.” Cent concentrated on the gravel road Hunter magic hid from public view, managing two switchbacks in second. “Yikes! Those are some serious ruts.” They were on National Forest land now, and on a road that both did and didn’t exist. The land had been ravaged by earlier mining, but it was slowly returning to its natural state. Poor Stowne. It had to have hurt. But there were dozens of old mines in the Bumpass Cove area, and she’d read there’d been toxic waste illegally dumped in some of those mines between this life and her last.

“Consider them ruts a challenge.” Dane bounced so hard her head hit the roof. “We gotta reset the spells to carry a new grade as soon as the ground thaws.”

Cent gained speed at the next dip, but it wasn’t enough to find third gear again, and by the time they reached the final turn up the mountain, she’d dug into first, rolling the truck through the hidden gates of the Hunter kingdom at less than five miles per hour.

“Good lord.” Cent pulled the truck inside the three-sided metal shed where Dane parked and killed the engine. “That was rough.” She still gripped the shifter knob.

“But you did it.” Dane placed her hand over Cent’s. “You ended in granny, but if you can do it in my rig, that ol’ F-100 of yours will be a piece of cake once it’s fixed and we put some weight in the back end.” She removed her gloves and touched Cent’s face, her fingers both calloused and tender against her cheek. “I’m glad you’re rememberin’.”

“Me too.” Cent closed her eyes and leaned into the touch before she caught herself. Too familiar, too… She ached for things that weren’t hers to have. “Did Tsula say Lexy made turkey?”

“I netted a few dozen last fall. They’ve been waitin’ in the freezers.” They were alone together in the dark confines of the pickup. This, too, felt overly familiar. “Lexy and her helpers make great cornbread dressin’.” Dane placed the tip of her tongue between her lips, deep in thought again. “I can’t get past your wards to know what you’re thinkin’, and I can’t always read your expression yet, so what’s goin’ through your head?”

“Things.” They stared at each other in the dark, Dane fingering Cent’s hair where it poked from beneath her toboggan.

“You know I was playin’ with my note about shavin’ your head, right? I was just tryin’ to piss off Stowne.”

“Were you?” She turned her face into Dane’s hand, inhaling avocado oil, iron, and wintergreen. “We’re both married.” She tried to turn away, but Dane caught her, turning her back.

“Aye, we are, but it don’t change history.” Dane moved her hand to cradle Cent’s chin. “It don’t change our past.”

 

•   •   •   •   •   •

 

And here’s an extra EXCERPT!

 

 

I can do this. Cent unzipped the top of her coveralls and lowered her long johns to reveal the halter top beneath them. “Sorry, not sorry to disappoint you, King Dane.” She unfurled her wings and rolled her shoulders to shake them open.

“Just look at all them sigils.” Dane stomped her boots on the circle sands as she laughed, and her men laughed with her. “You look like a doodled-out scratch pad.” She removed her arm from her coat and rolled her sleeve above her bracer to show the sigils tattooed across her plaster-pale bicep. “All us Hunters got them, but ours won’t warsh off with a good scrubbin’, and neither will yours by the time you get back to Stowne.”

“Sigils remain intact even if they cannot be seen by the eye.” Cent’s spouse’s mouth thinned with the stress she knew they were feeling. “If the sigils are applied in perfect love and trust, that is. Rest assured, Centenary’s were.”

“Like I care.” Dane shoved her arm back into her coat. “It’s my turn, you worn-out gravel heap. That was our deal.” She lunged forward to grab Cent by the arm.

“Let go!” Cent wrenched away and moved to stand between Pyre and Exan, her elemental escorts. “I’ll fly with them.” She blew Stowne a kiss and stretched her wings, shivering. “Hold on.” She pulled a pair of striped leg warmers from her pocket and slid them over her arms. They were horribly outdated, but they’d been a cheap thrift shop solution, and she was glad she’d remembered them. Still, they weren’t enough for the current weather.

“Betcha she can’t keep up.” Dane’s guard, Conall, snorted and extended his hand to the guard with the dreadlocks. “Deal, Weeds?”

Weeds knocked his hand away. “Nothing to be gained there because you’re right.” He pulled a red wool chullo hat from his pocket and drew it over his head, topping that with a pair of ski goggles he lowered over his eyes. “She’s not going to get there without help.”

“Manners, boys.” Dane pulled a pair of leather Steampunk-style goggles over her eyes. “Best not judge until we see what she’s got under the hood. Come on. We’re late for a helluva shindig.” She laughed as she took to the air, hovering above the circle until Cent, Pyre, and Exan joined her. Her men took to the air behind them, Weeds pressing ahead while Conall brought up the rear.

We’re sandwiched in.Cent flew as hard as she could, hoping to lessen the distance between her and Dane, but it kept growing.

“Problem?” Conall flew up behind Cent as she struggled to keep speed. “Get movin’.”

“I’m trying!” Cent almost stopped mid-air to confront him, but Pyre grabbed her by the shoulder, pulling her to the right so he flew past.

“Not a good idea.” Pyre hooked their smoky arm through hers, urging her along. “You’re cold.” They sent warmth into her, but she still shivered.

“Let us give you the energy to do this.” A thread of Exan’s black mass wrapped her left arm. “Come along.”

“What’s the holdup?” Dane flew back to face them. “Havin’ trouble keepin’ up, girlie?” She moved closer. “Guess Conall’s right after all. You need him to carry you the rest of the way?” Dane snickered when Conall returned to hover, scowling, behind her. Their beating wings stirred the air more than Cent’s, and her teeth chattered to the point she couldn’t hide it.

“I’ll get there.” But she knew she’d be struggling even with Pyre and Exan’s help, and she was so cold their warming energy wasn’t enough.

“You can’t, admit it.” Dane surged forward to grab Cent around the waist, forcing her wings to roll then tuck as Exan and Pyre’s grips fell away. “Your spirit form can fly, but your real wings are puny. Best hold on, or I’ll let you fall.” She turned Cent outward, holding her with one stout arm as they began to move. “Your eyes ain’t used to this cold and movement combined, so keep them closed until we’re— no. Hey, Weeds.” Dane slowed until he caught up along with Pyre and Exan, who both moved to see Cent’s face.

“I’m fine.” She blinked away the frost that’d collected on her eyelashes. “Let her do the work if she wants.”

“I got stuff to get done, or you’d be suckin’ up the rear, that’s all.” Dane motioned to Weeds. “Give her your goggles.”

“But— yes ma’am.” His dismay spread across his face as he pulled a scarf from his pocket, wrapping it around his head until only his eyes showed.

I’m making a great impression on him.

“Put them on, and let’s get movin’. Much longer up here and our wings’ll start freezin’.” Dane pulled Cent’s coveralls and long johns to her chest and opened her own coat to wrap her in it. “Damn rookie-ass flyer. Next time, wear a hat too.” Dane jerked her welding cap from her pocket, pulling it over Cent’s head as they gained speed.

Air whipped around them as they moved, and it began to sleet, pelting Cent with ice shards and freezing over her goggles by the time they touched down. “Someone get her a blanket!” Dane tore the goggles from Cent’s face and blew warm, tobacco-tainted breath in her face. “And somethin’ hot to drink!” Her voice softened. “You all right, sugar?”

“Let go!” Cent broke away and rushed to Pyre and Exan’s sides before they could fully manifest. “Dane’s being nice,” she whispered as she pulled off the leg warmers then raised her long johns and coveralls. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Take a deep breath and look around.” Pyre kept their voice soft and calm, which frightened Cent all the more.

“She means you no harm this night.” Exan wrapped their arm around her shoulders. “This is Dane’s kingdom, and she is in control of all you see.” They spun her around to view the nearly three-dozen pale Hunter faces, some clearly pissed by her presence, others amused, and a few too clouded in their expression to read, clustered around the bonfire she stood near.

“Welcome back to my world, Centenary Rhodes.” Dane bowed before her then rose wearing a mischievous smile. “Let’s get this party started!”

 

•   •   •   •   •   •

 

Author Bio

Born and raised in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, Science Fiction and Fantasy author Jeanne G’Fellers’ early memories include watching the original Star Trek series with their father and reading the books their librarian mother brought home. Jeanne’s writing influences include Anne McCaffrey, Ursula K. LeGuin, Octavia Butler, Isaac Asimov, and Frank Herbert.

Jeanne lives in Northeast Tennessee with their spouse and five crazy felines. Their home is tucked against a small woodland where they regularly see deer, turkeys, raccoons, and experience the magic of the natural world.

 

Website: https://jeannegfellersauthor.com/

Facebook (Author Page): https://www.facebook.com/Jeannegfellersauthor

Twitter: https://twitter.com/jlgfellers

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authorjeannegfellers/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/search?q=Jeanne+G%27Fellers

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Jeanne-GFellers/e/B01N0YWCT7/

 

 

 

 

♥♥ OF KINDRED & STARDUST = Out TODAY! ♥♥ Release Day Stuffs + Excerpt

 

It’s Release Day!!!

 

 

Purchase directly from my publisher or from any major online retailer!
Amazon • Barnes & Noble • Smashwords • Kobo • Apple Books • Bookstrand

 

 

Genres: Romance, science fiction
Collection: Home for the Holidays

After four years in the Alpha Centauri solar system, astrobiologist Dath Bellin is relieved to be back at ECHO-Crosspoint Space Station. His next mission: return to Earth and take a vacation. There’s family to see, R&R to catch up on, and Imbolc to celebrate with his Druid grove—everything he could hope for from a Canadian winter. Unfortunately, everything goes wrong before he can even leave the station. There’s also the matter of his exes, whom he can’t have back no matter how much he wants them, not after his horrible mistake.

For the past four years, Mack Ainsley Tsallis and Kytzia Polović have wanted to know why Dath left them the way he did. They’re determined to win him back together, especially since Mack is convinced Dath wasn’t completely honest with xem and Kytzia before he ran off to Alpha Centauri. Being ignored isn’t cutting it anymore: it’s time to start fresh and prove the three of them are perfect for each other.

 

Content notes & trigger warnings: Of Kindred and Stardust contains some explicit content, mentions of past transphobia, and references to depression.

*Are you on Goodreads? Add it to your shelves!

 

•••

 

\o/    HUZZAH!! It’s here! It’s here!!    \o/

Today, my publisher has released all of the books in their Home for the Holidays collection, and I’m so completely and utterly giggly thrilled that Of Kindred and Stardust is part of it! The submission call encouraged stories about holidays outside of the mainstream, giving me the perfect chance for something I’ve wanted to do for a few years: write something for one of the Druid holidays, which overlaps with those celebrated by Wiccans, eclectic Pagans, and others. I had 8 days to choose from, each of them special in their own way, and while I originally tried (desperately) to make something work for a Samhain piece, it just refused to cooperate in a way that wasn’t paranormal. I’d aimed for writing something in the contemporary genre this time, with a modern look at how we celebrate these Pagan holidays, but that didn’t work either. Everything I came up with fell short… until my sci-fi side took over and gave it life.

That leads to Of Kindred and Stardust, a sci-fi romance novella set in 2099 on a space station in Mars’ orbit. It’s also a poly romance and on the sweeter side! The holiday featured? Imbolc, a Celtic festival celebrated on February 1st or 2nd, depending on the person/group. It’s commonly celebrated by neo-Druids, which is how the main character, Dath, identifies. I don’t see many stories (if any) that have real-life neopagan Druidry in them, especially romances, so I wrote it. And I’m both humbled and incredibly grateful that LT3 has given this story a chance, stepping up and encouraging people like me to share these stories and characters when others would just turn us away. Thank you, Sam, Megan, Sasha, and LT3 as whole! ♥ And such a huge thank you to all readers who give it a read! ♥♥♥

In a nutshell: this is a love story FOR Imbolc. The way that the relationship moves, the personal journey that the characters are on, and the overall plot — it’s all inspired by Imbolc, and the significance of the holiday weaves throughout the story because Imbolc is about renewal, rebirth, and more. It’s a time of great reflection and pushing forward, caught between Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. It’s a time of celebration, joy, relief, and hope because the dark half of the year (aka. cold-as-heck winter for many of us!) is heading out and spring is coming, bringing growth and life that’s going to blossom into so much more. And so follows Dath’s relationship with Mack and Kytzia. It all goes together in the spirit of the festival, right on through to the various aspects of Brigit, Goddess of hearth, home, and healing; fire and wells; poetry and inspiration; and smithing and crafting!

As I’ve said in previous posts, this story has so much personal significance and experience packed into it. If you listen to Dath’s voice, it’s very… me, actually. And being inside his head is like taking a trip into mine. I’m 100% not joking. It’s almost like putting a diary out there for everyone to see. THE HORROR.

Though there’s also a lot of my partner in this and our experiences with our Pagan community, which has so very kind, gracious, and open to us both. This is a shout-out to all of them and the love for life, family, and everything they’ve shared with us… just set in the future, because I’m curious about what Paganism will look like 80 years from now, especially with all of our tech and how it keeps growing, along with our interest in space exploration. Nature and knowledge are integral to Druidry, so I ran long and far with them. (And for anyone who doesn’t have any idea what I’m talking about, here are major organizations that can hook you up with info: ADF (Ár nDraíocht Féin), OBOD (Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids), AODA (Ancient Order of Druids in America), and the Druid Network! We’re a rather diverse bunch. ^_^)

I also wanted to play with one possibility for how our future could look in space, taking into account everything going on right now, particularly with all of the advances being made in astronomy (the super-awesome data from the Kepler space telescope is going to keep folks busy for a while!) and the likes of SpaceX, Blue Origin, and Boeing working on ways to take space exploration and tourism to the next level. Add that to so many other factors, including the Millennial generation — how they’ve been been born into a highly technological world that’s only getting more technologically advanced with an incredible amount of access to knowledge and each other’s ideas — who knows where we’ll be in 2099?? Could we have a large space station out there in our solar system by then? At this point, who really knows, especially since 80 years ago, no one would’ve known we’d have the internet and smartphones or self-driving cars and AIs in constant development by now. They were the stuff of fiction. Honestly… the future is open to so many things.

So, yeah, that’s a little about the story and how it came about!

 

 

And just for a bit of fun…

Here are a few songs I thought I’d share — a few of my favourites, especially as of late! They’re not on the playlist for the story, but they do have a certain sound that fits the story and characters so very well. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Though if you want the real deal… here’s the actual playlist for OKAS!

Active Child – Evening Ceremony

Banks – Alibi
Banks – Before I Ever Met You
Banks – You Should Know Where I’m Coming From

Digital Farm Animals – Tokyo Nights (feat. Shaun Frank & Dragonette)
Dotan – Home II

Ed Sheeran – Afire Love
Ed Sheeran – Autumn Leaves
Ed Sheeran – Give Me Love / The Parting Glass

Eisbrecher – Die Hölle muss warten
Ellie Goulding – Only You
Ellie Goulding – Winner
Erik Hassle – No Words
EUZEN – Judged By

Faun – Golden Apples

Gregorian – All I Need
Gregorian – Dark Angel

Hoobastank – A Thousand Words
Hoobastank – Can You Save Me

Imaginary Future – As Long as I Have You, I’m Home
Imaginary Future – Everything We Need
Imagine Dragons – Dream
Inkubus Sukkubus – Love Spell

Lord of the Dance Soundtrack – Suil a Ruin
Loreena McKennitt – Snow

Nadia Ali – Fantasy

Of Monsters and Men – Black Water
Of Monsters and Men – Human
Of Monsters and Men – Slow Life
Of Monsters and Men – Yellow Light
Of Monsters and Men – Your Bones

Omnia – Fairy Tale
OMNIMAR – Out Of My Life
OMNIMAR – Ego Love

Sarah Polley – Courage
Sarah Brightman – Eden (Enigma Remix)
Secret Garden – Prayer
Stone Sour – Hesitate
Susan Craig – Shadow

The xx – Angels
The xx – Fiction
The xx – I Dare You
The xx – Reunion
The xx – Stars

Unheilig – Geboren um zu leben

 

•••

Now for an Excerpt…

 

If ever there was a time to strip and run through the space station naked, today would’ve been it.

Gods, the thought of it loosened more than one of the stubborn knots in my shoulders. Liberty just by shucking my pants and then some… Not really the homecoming I’d been expecting, but the looks of sheer horror could hold me over for a while if I tried it. At least until I got back from Earth. After that, everyday boring Dath Bellin would return to business, all plants and data, pretending like he didn’t make a run for public indecency. But once—just once—this Dath Bellin wanted to be reckless, throw care to the wind, and scream, “I’m home, baby!” in all the ways no one saw coming.

Fuck, it’d been a long four years.

Snickering at the lapse in thought, I continued down the long, brightly lit corridor, fingertips tracing the bright white and gunmetal grey wall. Staff bustled past me in both directions, some of them engrossed in conversation, their snug black uniform jackets with the robin’s-egg blue and white crossroad patches of ECHO-Crosspoint Space Station welcoming me home. Others rushed towards the lifts with tablets and mugs in hand, likely on their way to the cafeteria down on deck four for a quick lunch before returning to their offices. Most of them ignored my star-struck daze, the occasional brow quirked at how I caressed the lukewarm metal wall, loving the soft pulse and hum of electric wires beneath the surface. I was one shiny control panel away from trying to jack myself into the systems to get at everything I’d missed.

Never thought I’d be so sick of living in my own damn ship, but hey, the day was here.

Not even the day. The year. A whole fourth year.

Why did I agree to this mission to begin with?

I’d been asking myself the same question since the day I left, the answer as lost to me as the parts of my ship, the Sleipnir, that got ripped off during our intra-galactic exploration. Plants, I’ve kept telling myself. I went for the plants and stayed for the tourism. The last four years had put my training to the test, stretching my astrobiology PhD to its fullest with more of the universe than my memory could ever hang onto. I’d always wanted to work among the stars, and the mission to the Alpha Centauri solar system had launched entire new worlds at me, forcing me to rethink every classification I thought I knew and reconsider the meaning of life—if it really was forty-two, because the hell if I knew anything more than how small I was in the grand scheme of things. I fell in love out there, even with the planets we barely made it off of and the pre-flight check prayers that ended in, “Shit, shit, shit! Not another bloody fucking incident report.”

But as much as the mission made all my nerdy botanist dreams come true in galactic brilliance and failed alien bug spray, being back at Crosspoint warmed my heart with the fuzziest damn bunnies. Some of it may have been the pot of coffee I’d practically inhaled in the med bay after arrival. It may have even been being away from the rest of my team, allowing me to think without distractions or wondering if we’d return with the whole five-person crew without befalling a disaster of natural or close-and-way-too-personal proportions. Or maybe it was as simple as considering the station home and wanting to plaster myself to its spaciousness and the fact that it was stationary… ish.

In any event, here it was, right where we’d left it in Mars’ orbit: thirty decks of space-proofed tin can thanks to ECHO Causroy-Belforte Limited and the relatively new multi-national Milky Way Space Agency. Crosspoint itself was still a baby—only seven Earth years into the project that needed to last for decades longer—but it was worth calling home away from home. Though that was part of the point, to be honest: for more people to call this home. Most of us at the station conducted research, especially on the inter-planetary level, with hopes we’d get a similar station built out by Jupiter. But Crosspoint was more than that: it was a multi-purpose facility, acting as part of an evacuation plan for Earth, a refuge from war, environmental disaster, and any catastrophe thrown at our beloved blue ball, especially if it turned out we could no longer live on Earth’s surface in the future. Crosspoint was the lifeboat of lifeboats orbiting in wait.

And one very colourful lifeboat at that.

Damn, what had people done at the station on New Year’s Eve? Raise a Party God incarnate?

 

 

~ April Updates ~ and “Of Kindred & Stardust” Sale + Excerpt (Pre-Orders = 36% Off Until April 30!)

 

Happy almost-the-end-of-April! It’s been a little while since I’ve shared an update — the last few months have been their own special brand of hell for my household, to put it mildly — so here goes. 🙂

 

First Up: Of Kindred and Stardust!

The countdown is on: only 3 more weeks until OKAS comes out! And as if that wasn’t exciting enough… it’s coming out the day after our nephew, Luke, is expected to be born. ^_^ There’s lots of stuff happening that week! In the meantime, here’s what’s happening with OKAS:

 

• It’s up on Goodreads! So if you’re interested in adding it to your shelves, head on over. And if you’re interested in reviewing a copy once I have an ARC available, let me know! Feel free to get in touch with me here or on social media (Twitter is my usual go-to, but I’m also on Facebook and Tumblr). I’ve already turned in the copy edits, meaning it’s headed for the galley next, so I should hopefully have copies in a couple weeks.

 

• Pre-orders are currently 36% off over on my publisher’s website! LT3 Press is having a huge anniversary sale this month, with an extra 25% off on pre-orders — but hurry! The sale ends April 30th. Though if you head on over now and pre-order your copy, you’ll get OKAS the night before release day!

 

 

LT3 Anniversary Sale: Celebrating 10 Years!

Happy 10th anniversary to Less Than Three Press, and may they have many more years to come!! Without them, my stories wouldn’t have made it out into the world — heck, I wouldn’t have really thought of them if not for LT3’s submission calls in the very beginning — so this is something wonderful to celebrate. *enter confetti and streamers and glitter everywhere*

To mark the occasion, they’ve had an anniversary sale all month, with books off for 25% off (36% off for pre-orders) and chances to enter into a raffle to win prizes! If you’re looking to stock up on LGBTQA+ romances and happy endings, head on over to their website and check out all of the stories on offer.

This also means all of my works on are sale. You can find them here.

 

 

Current Project: Ashsender (Kindle Overthrow #1)

This project has been on the burner for a while, but it’s finally getting somewhere! In the past couple of months, I’ve pulled together its rather intense (read: scary, terrifyingly detailed) outline, and in the last 2 weeks I’ve focused on the bits of world-building I need in order to actually start writing the book. It’s so close! Last week was all about ships; this week, I’ve been designing solar systems and galaxies. So, basically, I’ve been getting myself into way too much trouble between bouts of falling down rabbit holes that never seem to end. Space is SO BIG. And sci fi shows are so easy to get lost in. >.<

BUT!

It’s almost there. Those first words are almost ready to be committed to the page. It’s so close, and the characters are so damn chatty — they’ve even thrown the second book at my head already, demanding that a certain pair of characters hook up because according to them all, they belong together… but I’m the last one to know. (Madi + Ema = fighter pilot rebels and BFFs about to embark on being lovers, too, gods help me. Those two might just kill me when I get to writing their book… though they’re trying very hard to distract me right now. They’re trouble, okay?!? So much snark to be had. And glitter. Some kind of unicorn reference. A lover’s spat over the radio. They’re all over the place, best I can tell.) At the moment, I’m finishing up the next phase of world-building, which also includes getting to know the characters more, their histories, and the politics of their world, but it’s the last piece I need before digging into writing the story itself.

The only unfortunate thing here is that as close as it is, I’ll be putting it aside again for another couple of months to focus on other projects that have deadlines to meet. Most of those projects aren’t mine; I’m proofreading them — but that’s a whole other post I need to write because the series is one of my absolute faves and it really needs its own post! (Especially since it comes with so many trigger warnings. I’m not kidding. It’s an extremely dark, utterly painful mindfuck of a series that makes me cry. And I can’t stop thinking about the characters. Or what’ll come next for them. Or where they’ve been. Jack L. Pyke is one of my top all-time favourite authors for so many reasons!) It means I’m on the clock, though, to help the re-releases stick to the planned time frame.

There is one project, though, that is mine: edition #2 of A Question of Counsel, which I’ll be working on in between the others. AQoC’s contract comes up in a couple months, but I need to get a head start on the new edition if I’m going to get it done in good time. I’ve been waiting years to make changes to this story, and I’ve got a rolling list of things I need to add, remove, or otherwise tweak, especially with how the series has grown!

I’ll talk about those projects more later, but… yeah. Poor Ashsender is gonna get bumped for a bit. It’s just as well: it’s not a book that I’m taking lightly, considering the serious topics it’s going to touch on. These are characters that have done things they really want to atone for, things that aren’t pretty or kind or decent. Terrible things not out of the realm of what we’re seeing in the world today… what we’ve seen in the past… when humanity is thrown out the window and compassion is buried twelve feet deep to satisfy someone else’s lust for power and control. The longer the book simmers, the more it’s growing into itself and what it could be. It’s a tough journey for these guys, but at least Eve & Lexx’s story will finally get written! Soon. Very soon. I should have more news in the summer once I lay down the first chapters.

 

 

Excerpt: Of Kindred and Stardust

Before I sign off, here’s a teensy taste of what’s to come on May 15. Enjoy!

~~~

What? Just what was I supposed to say to that?

Fried. Busted. Those were words for eggs, not my ship.

“It’s going to take time to restore him, make him all nice and safe again. New problems to fix, new parts to get.” Mack sucked in a breath and twisted the Iron Ring on the little finger of xir left hand, a rough-edged, stainless steel ring xe always wore. Once upon a few years ago, Mack had told me about its significance and The Ritual of the Calling of an Engineer, all of it so very solemn and steeped in tradition. Whenever Mack was nervous or anxious, especially about work, xe fiddled with it, bringing xem back to the oaths of that tradition and clearing xir thoughts. The fact xe fussed with it now, with me… I wasn’t too sure how to feel about that. “It’s messed up, and I’m sorry, Dath. I’ve been pissed since I found out. I’ll make them refurb the whole damn thing, no matter their whining. It’ll take a couple months, but he’ll be practically brand new when you get him back.”

I couldn’t help it: I groaned, all of my disappointment pouring out in the open. I should’ve known the Goddess Brigit would test me and my resolve to get home for Imbolc—or maybe I had the whole damn Celtic pantheon to thank for this. Hell, maybe even the Norse pantheon, too, because Loki and Odin had always loved dancing around my family like a Heathen binary star that kept us on our toes.

“I just wanted to go home,” I mumbled before I realized I did it. Dammit, I added silently, feeling my face flush.

“When?” Mack asked softly, leaning into me, brown gaze all sympathetic and concerned and… and something else I wasn’t anywhere near deserving of.

Wait, hold up. Mack hadn’t paused there, just asked, and that look… I’d gotten that look several times before, when things were good between us. That—none of this—it wasn’t anything like I’d expected. Where was the pissed off ex? Why weren’t we parting ways? I’d left Mack behind, yet xe was pissed about my gutted ship?

“At the end of the month,” I answered quietly, too confused to do anything else. “A little before then, actually.”

It all happened so quickly: Mack reaching out to touch me, only to retract at the last second and curl xir fingers into a fist at xir side, as if touching me committed some sort of terrible act.

“There’s still time to work it out,” xe said with a weak smile. “He might get fixed sooner than we think. Sometimes parts don’t take long to come around, or we miraculously find something we hid somewhere—any number of things. And me, I’m a glutton for punishment, you know that. I’m usually in the bay after-hours, anyway, so I could poke my head under the hatches and install some things. Failing that…” Mack took a deep breath and stepped close enough that I could catch the warm autumn scent of xir aftershave, its spicy cinnamon and nutmeg fragrance balanced with the sweetness of vanilla and apples. “I could take you down myself. Be your own personal escort.”

A statement, not a question.

A very pointed statement, one that screamed Imagine all the things we could do instead of Here’s me burying you in the bowels of space for breaking my heart.

Sweet Brigit and the Mórrígan, I think I may’ve slipped into some kind of alternate reality.

 

Cover Reveal!!! ♥ OF KINDRED & STARDUST ♥ ~~ Available for Pre-order RIGHT NOW!

 

Of Kindred and Stardust has a cover! And a blurb. And a pre-order link!!! 😀

 

Coming May 15: my Druid-in-space novella for LT3’s Home for the Holidays collection! It’s sci fi. It’s romance. It’s poly. It’s Pagan. AND IT’S ALMOST HERE!

 

Yep, I’m totally stoked about this. It’s a departure from the stories I’ve been writing these last few years — a standalone that isn’t as dark and hefty as the books in The Republic or the likes of For the Clan. No, I tried to go a bit lighter with this one, mostly because it’s for a holiday collection. There’s still angst (what else is new), but I’ve tried to go for something a bit more up, with a space station setting, and hey, it’s POLY, just the way I like it! No love triangle or jealousy here, just Dath, Mack, and Kytzia working some things out. And a bot. And a tree. And some really nerdy moments… Also, for those interested in the aspect of gender and sexual orientation identities: I’m pleased to say that Dath is panromantic demisexual; Mack is non-binary, trans, and pansexual; and Kytzia is bisexual/pansexual. I hope readers enjoy reading their story as much as I had writing it!

A really big thing, though, is that I opted to write about a character practicing real-world Paganism. Up to this point, I’ve written fantastical worlds with Pagan-based spiritual/religious systems, but given the nature of the collection call — the fact the holidays needed to be real, not fantasy — I ran long with that big ball of possibility straight on into Imbolc, a Celtic festival with personal meaning to me, my partner, and many of our friends. To be honest, there’s so much of us and our lives that bleeds through in this story, I could seriously — no, seriously — sit with a highlighter and highlight nearly every single sentence just to show how much of it comes from real-life. It’s all just mashed up and blended into the perspectives of 3 different characters, each with their own unique spin! (Also: I now have a crush on Mack. I’d hang out with all 3 characters, but Mack — oh, I love xem. So much fun to work with. Such a wicked sense of humour. But so determined and right on top of things.)

I wrote all about OKAS last year, so if you want more about the story, its background, and the fact that I never want to write a 40k story in 2 weeks again, check out that post! I’ll write another post on release day, but keeping this one short for right now!

 

Interested in finding out more? Looking to pre-order? Here’s the link to the book on my publisher’s website! The book will be available on Amazon, Smashwords, etc. (all the usual platforms) closer to release date. For right now, pre-orders are only through LT3.

 

And now for the cover, designed by my favourite cover artist, the magnanimously talented Natasha Snow! She’s so OMFG awesome I could cry. ♥ The cover hits all of the right notes for me in colour, tone, and that out-in-space flavour! Thanks to LT3 and Natasha for once more spoiling me absolutely rotten with pretty covers. ^_^

 

 

 

Publication date: May 15, 2019
Genres: Science fiction, romance
Collection: Home for the Holidays
LGBTQIA+ identities: Bisexual, Demisexual, Genderqueer, Non-binary, Panromantic, Pansexual, Trans; M/NB/F poly relationship
Cover artist: Natasha Snow

 

After four years in the Alpha Centauri solar system, astrobiologist Dath Bellin is relieved to be back at ECHO-Crosspoint Space Station. His next mission: return to Earth and take a vacation. There’s family to see, R&R to catch up on, and Imbolc to celebrate with his Druid grove—everything he could hope for from a Canadian winter. Unfortunately, everything goes wrong before he can even leave the station. There’s also the matter of his exes, whom he can’t have back no matter how much he wants them, not after his horrible mistake.

For the past four years, Mack Ainsley Tsallis and Kytzia Polović have wanted to know why Dath left them the way he did. They’re determined to win him back together, especially since Mack is convinced Dath wasn’t completely honest with xem and Kytzia before he ran off to Alpha Centauri. Being ignored isn’t cutting it anymore: it’s time to start fresh and prove the three of them are perfect for each other.

 

Content notes & trigger warnings: Of Kindred and Stardust contains some explicit content, mentions of past transphobia, and references to depression.

 

 

*  Pre-order the eBook from Less Than Three Press for 15% off!  *

{Available as mobi, ePub, and PDF. Pre-ordering from the publisher directly gets you the book the night before release day!}

 

 

 

In the meantime, if anyone has any questions about the book, let me know. I’m always happy to answer! ^_^

 

Goodbye, Silbhester. You were our everything. <3

RIP, Silbhester.

Always our beautiful, perfect baby boy & my beloved writing buddy. You’re missed more than you’ll ever know.

We’ll keep listening for you in the silence & looking for you in our memories. 💔🕯️💔

~~~

Our beloved Mr Fuzzy Paws left us this morning, ushered into his final sleep with quiet, compassion, and love. So much of that. We miss him so much… It’s just too quiet and the tears aren’t staying away for long. Everywhere we look we see him. 😭😭😭

But we’ll get through this. We will. With time.

We had one last weekend with him. We offered him what comforts we had to give. In the end, we’ll always harbour regret for the decision we had to make, but given the circumstances — the fact that his health was only getting worse, not better — we wanted to give him a peaceful exit. With the help and kindness of everyone at our vet clinic, Silbhester had that peaceful passing. Even he didn’t put up a fight with hisses and growls and screams today… just gave a groaned grumble as he left us.

My heart’s shattered right now, smashed into such tiny little bits. He was with us for 14 years. Our baby. Our grumbly old man. The sweetest little guy we were so fortunate to share our home with. He was a treasure, a precious gift, and he graced our life with so much love, laughter, and life. It kills me to think we’ll never stroke his forehead or rub his ears the way he craved or see his Content face ever again.

It feels so lonely, sitting here now like I would with him. My wife and I are on very different schedules: she’s up during the day and me at night. Silbhester was our companion every single second of the time we were home. And even when we weren’t home, we were thinking of him. He was always with us. Always on our mind. Always such a large presence.

Now it’ll just be me at night. Alone. I can look at the other end of the couch all I want and leave all the space I can beside me, but he won’t be there. He won’t interrupt me. He won’t curl up beside me, his paw touching my leg. He won’t purr and purr and purr his heart out when I rub his head. He’s gone and I hate it. As much as we needed to make this decision to take his pain away and save him from suffering as his conditions worsened, I hate missing him like this. I hate myself for making this decision. I hate that we didn’t have forever.

It hurts, but we did what we could. We gave him the best life we could offer. And as I’m writing this, I’m sneaking peeks over my laptop at his spot at the other end of the couch, bursting into fresh bouts of ugly crying when all I see are his Monster and a stuffed black and white tiger sitting where he should be… I can’t see him there and it kills me. There’s no Kitten, no sweet little face to watch as he sleeps, no little body to watch as he breathes and lives.

The worst part? All I want to do is put down my laptop and hug him. I want to put everything aside and snuggle up to him, just as I would any time I’m in this much pain. But this time… this time it just rips a fresh new hole into me because he’s the reason I’m hurting like this. I can’t cuddle up to him. Love him. Take comfort in his existence because we took that away. We made the choice to break up our family to save him from his own pain. We’ve lost him.

My heart has sunk well beyond the bottom of my chest — it’s anchored to the floor, like the heaviness of my steps.

In time, we’ll get used to this lack, this awful void where once our hearts joined his and lived and breathed with him. But for now, we grieve. We find our new normal. Habits and routines we’d established with him won’t go away completely, just change. He’s gone, but always here. He’s lost to us, but always remains our sweet love.

Rest peacefully, my little one… and please forgive us. We tried. Gods, we tried. We love you so much. You’re a piece of home and hope we’ll never have again. Blessed be. ❤